You know, I really don’t know why I do this to myself.

I can’t seem to help it. I am just a sucker for those Youtube videos that promise glimpses of strange creatures. You know the ones. “Scary creature caught on video!” “Gnomes (or Fairies or Trolls) caught on film!” “Real mermaid!” “UFO aliens: Best pictures yet!”

So when I saw this documentary on Netflix, I really tried… really tried… to resist watching it.

But I couldn’t. And now I wish that I had.

Aliens on the Moon: The Truth Exposed is a 2014 documentary (and I use that term very loosely in this case) that purports that NASA photos show alien bases on the moon. By enlarging NASA photographs so that the pixels are gigantic, a series of so-called “experts” see all sorts of structures on the moon: A nuclear reactor, wagon wheels, a cannon 1 mile long, a mine. Blurry craters become mile-wide satellite dishes. or crashed spaceships. These “experts” see miles long pipes that must be transporting Helium 3 to be used as energy to power up the huge bases and satellite dished that they can clearly see from otherwise blurry photos of the cratered surface of the moon.

Okay, now, I know that human beings are designed to see patterns in random information. As an artist I am aware that an imaginative mind can see all sorts of pictures in a stucco wall or a ceiling tile. It happens.

Occasionally someone sees the face of Jesus in a water stain. It creates a big flap and people go nuts before someone comes along and says “Calm down. It’s just a random pattern into which we impose our own ideas of order. Nothing to see here.”

Unfortunately that voice of calm and reason is deliberately avoided for an hour and twenty minutes in this hyperventilating, breathless narrative that sees evidence of an extraterrestrial attack force in the random noise of the lunar surface.

The documentary was originally aired on the SYFY channel. Now, SYFY has been starting to get more serious about the quality of their programs but this ranks alongside SHARKTOPUS and SHARKNADO in terms of the thought that went into making it.

To top it off the documentary ends with a segment about a series of videos that purport to show footage from the Apollo 20 mission that discovered an alien city and a mummified woman on the far side of the moon.

These videos appeared on the internet and were very quickly debunked as a hoax perpetrated by a french sculptor named Thierry Speth. Nevertheless, to the makers of this movie it’s gold as it finishes up the documentary in a big way before the producers pack it up (and presumably skip town before the viewers realize how badly they’ve been had).

If you have Netflix, then don’t… seriously, DON’T… waste your time with this documentary.

I should have watched ATTACK THE BLOCK like I’d meant to. Oh well, maybe tonight.


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